I was at a crossroads with nowhere to go. I was working at the last place on Earth I wanted to be in, I was right smack in the middle of a romance gone awry (which was my fault anyway), and I was at a period of grieving after realizing that my dream ( which I worked very hard for) would not become a reality.
I have a habit of overdramatizing things, and well, I guess, I do. It is pretty funny anyway. Well, that and going into tangents. But going back, yes, I was in a bad place that time. And then I received the news- that I got in the law school I wanted, that which I never thought in my wildest dreams that I had the chance to get in. I did not even stress a bit about the whole application process (which was pretty grueling), because I thought, it was such a long shot. I went on with doing the mundane things I was doing- partying, drinking, and working for that other dream of mine that I lost.
Then my mom called me while I was at work babbling incoherently with excitement that I did get to the law school I wanted. I did not even bother to get the results myself, I even forgot about it for a while. Wow. Why was God being nice to me amidst all the ______________ that I have done?
And so I cleaned up. Stopped all my vices. Law school, with all my teachers who are really good good people and reading mounds and mounds of cases- of what people have been going through, they all made me want to be a better person. I lost a sense of myself when I did not get what I wanted, and it almost destroyed me. Now, I remember who I was before all the brouhaha. I am nice generally, but if you step over the line of what I consider decent and respectful, well, I will have no qualms to tell and/or make you feel so. I became a pushover before, but I remembered, that is really not me.
So here I am. A struggling law student. I don’t look like your prototype student though. People say I stand out like a sore thumb because of the way I look, dress, talk. They tell me I look lost in such a serious, academic environment. Some even ask me if I really studied (while I was in the bathroom putting on lipstick after my three hour session at the library). There are even those who made remarks that seemed at that time, were imbued with underlying questions showing doubt on my intelligence ( by way of them imitating my OH-MY-GOD expression complete with the hand action). They even say that I am Elle Woods in flesh.But SO WHAT?! I take them all in stride. Though I may not be the smartest one in there, I know myself and what I can do. And I will never apologize for who I am.
To quote one of my really good friends in school, Emil: ” The myth of pretty girls not being smart has been officially been disproved by Legally Blonde.” Hahaha. I could almost hear you thinking, who does she think she is? ANYHOW, I don’t think I am pretty, I just like make-up, clothes, and grooming myself. And Legally Blonde is hardly the authority on the matter. But got your attention there right? It was a joke! It has totally no point. Laugh. This is getting too serious and boring anyway.
But for purposes of wrapping this up properly, yes, law school changed me in some ways, but there are still some things about me that would remain. And that includes my vanity. Haha. But ultimately, taking those two together, they saved me from becoming someone I did not want and was not proud to be. I like who I am now, which is the real me, before the disaster that came in my life. And I am glad.
Filed under: Personal Musings
