I went with a really good friend today to lend some support. She recently gave up her dream and she is feeling really sad about it. She decided to do so upon the advice of someone she greatly respected and admired… which she later on discovered was just manipulating her for that person’s own selfish, personal end, without due regard to my friend’s feelings.
I was livid with anger at that person, and at the same time, I feel sad for my friend. I know the feeling, been there ( and it was definitely a hell of a time, trust me), done that. Still, I comfort her, everything happens for a reason, you know. You will later on find that out. I knew with all my heart that was true. And I would not have it any other way.
She understood what I meant, still, she had misgivings. She moaned the fact that she did not act fully on her free will. She became silly putty, which disappointed her. If she had made the decision by herself, even if later on, she realizes it was a mistake, it would be okay. At least, it was her decision-hers alone and she knew she had to be accountable for it. But that was not what happened. She allowed herself to be manipulated and she felt disappointed in herself at that. She knew she could have done better.
I had been in a similar situation before, and until now, I keep kicking myself for it. In life, there a lot of people that may influence us. But in everything that is happening in our lives, only we have the authority to say what is the best for us. Other people only see some side of those events that have transpired in our lives, whereas we have seen the full-length, uncut version. So nobody is better than us with regard to the final say of what will and not happen. And we always should listen to our gut feelings— they are usually the best guides in life anyway. A professor once told me a line that I will never forget when the doctor said she will have trouble studying and remembering things after she underwent surgery: ” No one tells me what I can or cannot do.” That must be the attitude to take control of one’s life.
On a similar note, I was reading a really interesting book wherein the author, Ayn Rand, quoted an excerpt from one of her novels. It was a dialogue between two men, a self-assured drop out and self-questioning people pleaser who graduated with top honors. The latter was commenting on the former’s apparent lack of hesitation whenever he made life -altering decisions, asking the drop-out, ” How do you always know what to do?”. The latter, in turn, answers with an incredulous question, “How could you not?” ( Well that was the gist of what I remember on it anyway).
Wow. I was completely blown away by that. Yes, how could we not know what we want? It is easy. What makes it difficult is to have the courage to admit and stand by what we choose to do. That is what my friend was crying about, she did not have the courage to think of herself that time. I have been there before, and at the back of my mind, I am thinking that probably, I did so because at least, if I made a mistake in the end, I will have someone to blame. Whereas if I made the decision by myself, I have nobody else but myself to blame. And look where it got me? Nothing, just a bunch of regrets.
But then, all is done. The main thing right now is to move on and internalize what she has learned from this experience. She replied, I learned, yeah, big-time. I tell myself that too. It is not a walk in the park, but who told you life is like that anyway?
Filed under: My Life
